Yes.. GST will increase to 7% from July onwards. You see crowds mulling the malls, in a mad rush to shop during the sale , to beat the hike. I tried to shop.. but alas, the crowds are too much for me.. Couldnt find anything and decide to make do with what I have. Afterall, I do have many clothes.. just that I got bored of the fashion. Perhaps I should buy quality and not quantity from now on..
Costs would definitely increase with the hike.. Alas salaries didnt increase very much.. Over the years, I think the real value of money has decreased considerably. Though some superscale civil servants would definitely earn sky high salaries.. they are not me.. too Bad for me..
After the initial shock of 'higher' costs, we would all go back to working hard, quietly slogging away. The pain would be there in the beginning, and after which we'd get used to the 'pain' and then life goes on... Change is painful, but I think we are a nation that get used to change very fast...
Afterall, what can one do? Nothing will change. Been the practical nation that we are, we probably would just complain, voice our grouses, let off steam , then bite the bullet , to get 'get more money'. We know riots wont help, will make us worse off.. we know wilful rebellion doesnt make things better..We rather get down to "REAL" business..
Sound mellow? meek, unthinking, cynical? Well, perhaps. But I think its because we are very practical.
Singaporeans are a practical lot. We are driven by it, oiled by it.. Honestly, I think tis the same everywhere. Money walks the talk.
Yep, Just show me the money
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Irritants
At times, I really have no patience for people I deemed as irritants. They range from boot lickers to braggers to people who simply irks me. Some categories I have listed... not exhaustive.. (Not like I am saint... but lately.. met many such people)
A) Boot Lickers- they like to show how they put in so much effort for the company , how everyone else isnt as committed or devoted. Simple solutions are exaggerated 10 x or more , to show how ingenious they are.. Other people's mistakes are magnified 100 x. Theirs are usually hushed up. THey always have the LAST WORD
B) Braggers - they tell me their pay have increased, where they'v been for holidays, how their partners love them, dote on them, how their friends say they take planes like taking buses.., how their house is so big they get lost in it.. you get the idea?
C) Workaholics - they dont ever stop working. Even when you meet them, you can see their minds are elsewhere.. still on work. Every conversation is likely to lead back to work..
D) Stick-in-the-mud - they dont like change, not flexible, want their way or the high way. Hanging out with them is no fun. Yet they are so in their own world, they think you are having fun. Worse, they think only their way is right, your way not right. Any change to their plans, you are bound to get a ticking off..
E) Flirts - Mind you, I am not against flirting.. but some people take it to new heights. They'd flirt with anything that moves.. even in inappropriate situations. They think they are god's gift to mankind, to put it VERy CYnically.
I think I shant list any more categories.. put anymore, I may as well say I cant stand humans, including myself. I mean, all of us , including me, are guilty of been any of the above category albeit in small doses. What I am saying is really, there are some irritants I met who are extremes...
Friends, not referring to u of course.... I just need to let off steam...
A) Boot Lickers- they like to show how they put in so much effort for the company , how everyone else isnt as committed or devoted. Simple solutions are exaggerated 10 x or more , to show how ingenious they are.. Other people's mistakes are magnified 100 x. Theirs are usually hushed up. THey always have the LAST WORD
B) Braggers - they tell me their pay have increased, where they'v been for holidays, how their partners love them, dote on them, how their friends say they take planes like taking buses.., how their house is so big they get lost in it.. you get the idea?
C) Workaholics - they dont ever stop working. Even when you meet them, you can see their minds are elsewhere.. still on work. Every conversation is likely to lead back to work..
D) Stick-in-the-mud - they dont like change, not flexible, want their way or the high way. Hanging out with them is no fun. Yet they are so in their own world, they think you are having fun. Worse, they think only their way is right, your way not right. Any change to their plans, you are bound to get a ticking off..
E) Flirts - Mind you, I am not against flirting.. but some people take it to new heights. They'd flirt with anything that moves.. even in inappropriate situations. They think they are god's gift to mankind, to put it VERy CYnically.
I think I shant list any more categories.. put anymore, I may as well say I cant stand humans, including myself. I mean, all of us , including me, are guilty of been any of the above category albeit in small doses. What I am saying is really, there are some irritants I met who are extremes...
Friends, not referring to u of course.... I just need to let off steam...
CHEMISTRY - WHAT defines it?
Since sweet lullaby and odd were talking about chemistry, I'd like to give my take on it too..
Does Chemistry equate to heart beating very fasT? Eyes rolling or blushing when the person of desire is nearby? Sweaty palms, dry throat? Shuddering or stuttering speech when talking to him/her? If any of these strike you, perhaps, there is 'chemistry' in the relation?
Does chemistry signify deep connection with a person? that perhaps this is THE ONE? I am not sure. I dont think anyone has the answers. All I can say is that chemistry does wear off..
I too experienced such potent chemistry before. I too went with my heart on some of these occasions.Looking at the magnitude I felt from the chemistry, you'd think it'd last forever.. At last it didnt. When i saw the person I had so much 'chemistry;' with some years later, I found myself wondering why did I even fall in love in the first place? Whatever chemistry I felt I had had gone. This happened a couple more times.. which leads me to the conclusion... chemistry is the intial attraction, growing love in the relationship is the key.. chemistry can die off, yet love can grow stronger ... (or can grow weaker with neglect too)
I dont know about whether chemistry is art or science. I just know this.. its transient and it wears off.. so gotta keep 'feeding' it? what can 'feed the chemistry'? I like to think its love.. but I think even love can also grow weak? So what feeds the 'chemistry' in couples? I can only think of one word.. (this is just my own opinion.. maybe I am too one dimensional with this 'answer').. that is
COMMITMENT
Imagine.. you have chemistry with a person.. heart beats, blush blush.. but no commitment, no agreeing to stay together..no consideration for each other to want to commit and make something together.. its purely a rush of emotions.. do you think this will last? Human Beings been famous for a whole gamut of emotions.. can such fleeting feelings be an accurate barometer of soul connection? Is it just raging hormones or pure lust? Can it mean something deeper?
Or it will just be yet another forgotten memory ?
Does Chemistry equate to heart beating very fasT? Eyes rolling or blushing when the person of desire is nearby? Sweaty palms, dry throat? Shuddering or stuttering speech when talking to him/her? If any of these strike you, perhaps, there is 'chemistry' in the relation?
Does chemistry signify deep connection with a person? that perhaps this is THE ONE? I am not sure. I dont think anyone has the answers. All I can say is that chemistry does wear off..
I too experienced such potent chemistry before. I too went with my heart on some of these occasions.Looking at the magnitude I felt from the chemistry, you'd think it'd last forever.. At last it didnt. When i saw the person I had so much 'chemistry;' with some years later, I found myself wondering why did I even fall in love in the first place? Whatever chemistry I felt I had had gone. This happened a couple more times.. which leads me to the conclusion... chemistry is the intial attraction, growing love in the relationship is the key.. chemistry can die off, yet love can grow stronger ... (or can grow weaker with neglect too)
I dont know about whether chemistry is art or science. I just know this.. its transient and it wears off.. so gotta keep 'feeding' it? what can 'feed the chemistry'? I like to think its love.. but I think even love can also grow weak? So what feeds the 'chemistry' in couples? I can only think of one word.. (this is just my own opinion.. maybe I am too one dimensional with this 'answer').. that is
COMMITMENT
Imagine.. you have chemistry with a person.. heart beats, blush blush.. but no commitment, no agreeing to stay together..no consideration for each other to want to commit and make something together.. its purely a rush of emotions.. do you think this will last? Human Beings been famous for a whole gamut of emotions.. can such fleeting feelings be an accurate barometer of soul connection? Is it just raging hormones or pure lust? Can it mean something deeper?
Or it will just be yet another forgotten memory ?
Friday, June 29, 2007
What? So many Millionnaires? But I aint it
Read in the papers about how the number of millionnaires in Singapore has increased, with record high in 2007 (must be the workings of proceeds from en bloc sales). With the economy doing so well, and sentiment running high, I guess everyone's spirits must be quite good generally (where work is concerned).
Alas , I am not one of those millionnaires. I am in fact very very very far from IT. Sad to say , I still have nothing to my name. Neither a house, nor a big fat bank account. No branded 'chi chi' bags to dress me up, nor sparkling diamonds anywhere. I am in short PLAIN AVERAGE.
Am I lamenting? Of course, If I could be rich, that would be great. WHo doesnt want a jetset life, with holidays in exotic places, and shopping without looking at the budget? I once shopped with a tai tai and I must say , shopping with her is great experience, because she could just walk in a shop and buy whatever she fancy without batting an eyelid at the price..
But I am just one of the girls, so I still gotta watch my wallet (in addition to my waistline) and can only wonder about the joys of such limitness shopping. Am I missing out much ? Maybe? But I also learn I can make do with very little as well.
If you have lived with very little, you'd fully realise that you really dont need much to have a relative amount of comfort in Singapore.True , the minute we get out of our home, we'd spend , but there are many places that can be enjoyed without much $ too..
How do I know? Well, in my early 20s, I was unemployed for a period of time. Not having much to spend, I'd to get creative with how I can stretch my dollar or lack of it in order to satisfy my curious wanderings.. I discover these 'FREE" Actitivies that I have derived much joy from :
1) I can spend the whole day in National Library, borrowing the dvds, or music cds, or browsing books and be entertained
2) I can go to botanic gardens and enjoy free concerts
3) I can go for art openings and enjoy free flow of wine, and food. You'd be surprised.. some of the wine and food are from very good caterers (think michaelangelo pizzas, etc)
4) I can go to THAT CD SHOP and immerse myself in the atmosphere, listening to JAzz on their fantastic speakers.
5) Go for a run by the beach or laze by the beach
Of course, transport is needed on any of the above activities. In Singapore, even on this small red little dot, it does take at least an hr by public transport to go from one end of the island to the other..
That said, I still dream of becoming a millionnaire.. though I know I dont have much luck with the lottery.. Maybe there'd be some miracle round the corner.. :D
Alas , I am not one of those millionnaires. I am in fact very very very far from IT. Sad to say , I still have nothing to my name. Neither a house, nor a big fat bank account. No branded 'chi chi' bags to dress me up, nor sparkling diamonds anywhere. I am in short PLAIN AVERAGE.
Am I lamenting? Of course, If I could be rich, that would be great. WHo doesnt want a jetset life, with holidays in exotic places, and shopping without looking at the budget? I once shopped with a tai tai and I must say , shopping with her is great experience, because she could just walk in a shop and buy whatever she fancy without batting an eyelid at the price..
But I am just one of the girls, so I still gotta watch my wallet (in addition to my waistline) and can only wonder about the joys of such limitness shopping. Am I missing out much ? Maybe? But I also learn I can make do with very little as well.
If you have lived with very little, you'd fully realise that you really dont need much to have a relative amount of comfort in Singapore.True , the minute we get out of our home, we'd spend , but there are many places that can be enjoyed without much $ too..
How do I know? Well, in my early 20s, I was unemployed for a period of time. Not having much to spend, I'd to get creative with how I can stretch my dollar or lack of it in order to satisfy my curious wanderings.. I discover these 'FREE" Actitivies that I have derived much joy from :
1) I can spend the whole day in National Library, borrowing the dvds, or music cds, or browsing books and be entertained
2) I can go to botanic gardens and enjoy free concerts
3) I can go for art openings and enjoy free flow of wine, and food. You'd be surprised.. some of the wine and food are from very good caterers (think michaelangelo pizzas, etc)
4) I can go to THAT CD SHOP and immerse myself in the atmosphere, listening to JAzz on their fantastic speakers.
5) Go for a run by the beach or laze by the beach
Of course, transport is needed on any of the above activities. In Singapore, even on this small red little dot, it does take at least an hr by public transport to go from one end of the island to the other..
That said, I still dream of becoming a millionnaire.. though I know I dont have much luck with the lottery.. Maybe there'd be some miracle round the corner.. :D
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Formula for Love?
Watch any korean love drama lately? I am sure 'Full House' , 'Princess Hours', 'Stairway to Heaven' are not unfamiliar to you. I like watching these love dramas, though my taste is somewhat limited to love stories with happy endings and mainly comedies. I dont like watching soapy dramas with a tearing scene every 10 minutes.
Watching these dramas would invariably make any real life relationship lifeless and boring. Love in dramas are invariably more interesting and full of hurdles that would make any experienced athlete green..I cant help but think note the following formula for love:
1) the two must be at logger heads when they first know each other.. The more they fight , the better their love will be in the end.. Usually they are not even friends, then they become friends later on..
2) There has to be a 3rd party or even 4th party competing for the love and affection of the protagonist.. anything lesser wouldnt make the love endearing or precious.. 3rd Parties are usually more glamourous looking (if the protagonist is a lady), and usually more spiteful, treacherous, with dirty tricks to 'steal' the protagonist' credit, or love. If there is a 4th party involved, its usually a guy, handsome one, fighting for the attention of the lady protagonist.
3) If the male lead/leads are good looking , the actress is very plain, girl-next-door look, while the 3rd party more glamourous (see point 2) If the male lead/leads are not good looking, actress will be drop dead gorgeous.. Usually in such a case, the drop dead gorgeous actress would also have another bf who is successful, handsome, and prince charming, but she usually choose the plain looking male lead over prince charming.. Even if the plain looking chap did not treat her as well as prince charming.. Basically opposites work very well in dramas
4) The male leads usually have respectable jobs. Even if their background seem humble, they usually make up for it by been very well educated eg. having phd, or doctorate, but doing some humble job for a more noble purpose.
5) Usually there are some evil people on the side, making life more difficult for the lead actresses/actors.. and making them realise their love for each other far surpass all these evil pranks...
6) Make sure there are lots of romantic slow thoughtful moments, and make sure that the lead actor and actress slowly discover each other's good points and fall in love and slowly act in considerate ways that show their love for each other..
7) Soothing Love songs are a must.. Make sure there are a few different love songs, with some fast upbeat ones for happy moments, slow sorrowful ones for tearjerking moments and that there are lots of MTV worthy scenes in the show..
8) Make sure there are some misunderstandings thrown in for good measure between the main leads. Usually they wont fall in love together, so the misunderstandings would help them mask their real affection and make sure, they only discover their love for each other in the last 4 episodes.. Because , hey, once they get married or they get together.. the story just doesnt sizzle anymore.. There is no fun in 'certainty'..
9) If the show is going to be sad, usually the protagonists who fall in love would inevitably fall in love, but found out they were brother/sister or were childhood sweethearts who simply couldnt forget each other even if they havent talked for more than 20 years and though they met each other for a while when they were children.
10) The men are very thoughtful, charming, careful about how women think, while the women wont be afraid to be the first to say they love the guy and even when the guy didnt show much interest or treat them badly, they would continue to treat the guy really really well, till the guy fall in love.. (or Vice Versa)
There you go, Add the above elements together in different portions, you get a potentially potent sizzling love story.. The twists and turns in the love dramas would make your own love a BEDTIME story by comparison.. No wonder we like watching them..
But It isnt REAL! you say.. Come on,seriously speaking, do you want to watch a love story when both not so good looking/ ok looking people fall in love in school/at work who do nothing much but watch movies, have dinner, day in day out, till the time when they apply for flat/buy condo/house, then married, have kids? Or just a love story about a couple living together making milk for babies, doing household chores together?
No? See? I rather have my korean love dramas anytime. .... Best of all, make it a show with all the good looking people.. pretty babes, handsome , rich hunks.. give me the whole works (But comedy kind please)!Because Life is REAL enough, I dont need my shows to be real too.. :D
Watching these dramas would invariably make any real life relationship lifeless and boring. Love in dramas are invariably more interesting and full of hurdles that would make any experienced athlete green..I cant help but think note the following formula for love:
1) the two must be at logger heads when they first know each other.. The more they fight , the better their love will be in the end.. Usually they are not even friends, then they become friends later on..
2) There has to be a 3rd party or even 4th party competing for the love and affection of the protagonist.. anything lesser wouldnt make the love endearing or precious.. 3rd Parties are usually more glamourous looking (if the protagonist is a lady), and usually more spiteful, treacherous, with dirty tricks to 'steal' the protagonist' credit, or love. If there is a 4th party involved, its usually a guy, handsome one, fighting for the attention of the lady protagonist.
3) If the male lead/leads are good looking , the actress is very plain, girl-next-door look, while the 3rd party more glamourous (see point 2) If the male lead/leads are not good looking, actress will be drop dead gorgeous.. Usually in such a case, the drop dead gorgeous actress would also have another bf who is successful, handsome, and prince charming, but she usually choose the plain looking male lead over prince charming.. Even if the plain looking chap did not treat her as well as prince charming.. Basically opposites work very well in dramas
4) The male leads usually have respectable jobs. Even if their background seem humble, they usually make up for it by been very well educated eg. having phd, or doctorate, but doing some humble job for a more noble purpose.
5) Usually there are some evil people on the side, making life more difficult for the lead actresses/actors.. and making them realise their love for each other far surpass all these evil pranks...
6) Make sure there are lots of romantic slow thoughtful moments, and make sure that the lead actor and actress slowly discover each other's good points and fall in love and slowly act in considerate ways that show their love for each other..
7) Soothing Love songs are a must.. Make sure there are a few different love songs, with some fast upbeat ones for happy moments, slow sorrowful ones for tearjerking moments and that there are lots of MTV worthy scenes in the show..
8) Make sure there are some misunderstandings thrown in for good measure between the main leads. Usually they wont fall in love together, so the misunderstandings would help them mask their real affection and make sure, they only discover their love for each other in the last 4 episodes.. Because , hey, once they get married or they get together.. the story just doesnt sizzle anymore.. There is no fun in 'certainty'..
9) If the show is going to be sad, usually the protagonists who fall in love would inevitably fall in love, but found out they were brother/sister or were childhood sweethearts who simply couldnt forget each other even if they havent talked for more than 20 years and though they met each other for a while when they were children.
10) The men are very thoughtful, charming, careful about how women think, while the women wont be afraid to be the first to say they love the guy and even when the guy didnt show much interest or treat them badly, they would continue to treat the guy really really well, till the guy fall in love.. (or Vice Versa)
There you go, Add the above elements together in different portions, you get a potentially potent sizzling love story.. The twists and turns in the love dramas would make your own love a BEDTIME story by comparison.. No wonder we like watching them..
But It isnt REAL! you say.. Come on,seriously speaking, do you want to watch a love story when both not so good looking/ ok looking people fall in love in school/at work who do nothing much but watch movies, have dinner, day in day out, till the time when they apply for flat/buy condo/house, then married, have kids? Or just a love story about a couple living together making milk for babies, doing household chores together?
No? See? I rather have my korean love dramas anytime. .... Best of all, make it a show with all the good looking people.. pretty babes, handsome , rich hunks.. give me the whole works (But comedy kind please)!Because Life is REAL enough, I dont need my shows to be real too.. :D
Been Solo
My china colleague was one of the 'jie mei' at our colleague's wedding last saturday.She mentioned about a fellow 'jie mei' who started talking about how nice her husband is the minute she knew my colleague was single. She started showing colleague her husband's sms ,how prompt he was in replying, how my colleague shouldnt be so choosy and quickly find a husband soon, etc and even proceeded to tell the bridegroom's brothers that my colleague is single. (she is one of those 'smug couple' breeds). My colleague just smiled.. and related the incident to us.(My china colleague has often been talking about her lack of partner during lunch and how she isnt young since she is already 27 , etc. She is very direct and her annecdotes were quite entertaining).
We were naturally pretty 'horried' by the 'smugness' of this 'sister' who had saw my colleague for the first time, and proceeded to boast about her marital status. The 'sister' is rather on the plump side and look like Ms Piggy. (I am channelling my mean side this morning). That night at the wedding dinner, we were all rather mean lah, telling our colleague how she should have said she had plenty of choices lah, so dont know how to choose..not like her , have to jump at the first opportunity . etc (We didnt say that to her lah..)
Just makes me wonder , why the smugness? What is the Big Deal about been part of a couple anyway? Does she think that been solo means 'unwanted' , 'undesirable', etc? Does that make her desirable because she is part of an entity called 'couplehood'?
I have been solo for the longest time since my last relationship about 3 years ago. I think my life thereafter improved by leaps and bounds (my relationship wasnt great and I was a fool). True, the nagging inconveniences of been solo is finding company to do the things you enjoy, to travel together, to hang out. More importantly, not having someone who can grow old with you..
While I get plenty of freedom in deciding what I want to do, since I dont have to 'report' to anyone, things can get very lonely as well. Loneliness can hit you anywhere but more so for soloists like me.. Especially in dark quiet nights.
Yet I dont see why been solo is such an issue (even if I am not young anymore). In Singapore, everyday, you are reminded of how you are not helping to procreate, how you need to find someone for sure,etc. There is 'Romancing Singapore' to remind you to quickly get rid of your solo state. 'I love children' campaigns to remind you to procreate and have children. Favourable housing schemes for couples and tax incentives are just some of the policies that glare at you. Been solo indeed seems to be a 'marginalised' existence in Singapore though things have improved over the years. (Now singles over 35 can buy any kind of flat on the resale market)
I am not saying I choose to be solo. I didnt choose it. Its just that I didnt meet anyone with whom I can connect with. There are times when I thought I met someone I could connect with, but circumstances often turn out to be otherwise, or things just didnt work out. Of course I'd like to be married, to find my 'soulmate' some day, but only if he is someone I can connect with, respect, have the same values with me. I wont choose someone who isnt it, just so that I can be part of a couplehood.
I sometimes will wonder why am I still solo? But these days, I am learning to smell the roses, enjoy and appreciate my blessings. For you never know what life brings you.I am learning to see life in a different light.
So, Dont be so smug, happy couples. I am happy you found your partners, but dont be so smug. Been solo isnt that bad. I am loving my freedom, my time , my blessings and taking it a day at a time. And for those who are solo, enjoy and dont just blindly settle !
We were naturally pretty 'horried' by the 'smugness' of this 'sister' who had saw my colleague for the first time, and proceeded to boast about her marital status. The 'sister' is rather on the plump side and look like Ms Piggy. (I am channelling my mean side this morning). That night at the wedding dinner, we were all rather mean lah, telling our colleague how she should have said she had plenty of choices lah, so dont know how to choose..not like her , have to jump at the first opportunity . etc (We didnt say that to her lah..)
Just makes me wonder , why the smugness? What is the Big Deal about been part of a couple anyway? Does she think that been solo means 'unwanted' , 'undesirable', etc? Does that make her desirable because she is part of an entity called 'couplehood'?
I have been solo for the longest time since my last relationship about 3 years ago. I think my life thereafter improved by leaps and bounds (my relationship wasnt great and I was a fool). True, the nagging inconveniences of been solo is finding company to do the things you enjoy, to travel together, to hang out. More importantly, not having someone who can grow old with you..
While I get plenty of freedom in deciding what I want to do, since I dont have to 'report' to anyone, things can get very lonely as well. Loneliness can hit you anywhere but more so for soloists like me.. Especially in dark quiet nights.
Yet I dont see why been solo is such an issue (even if I am not young anymore). In Singapore, everyday, you are reminded of how you are not helping to procreate, how you need to find someone for sure,etc. There is 'Romancing Singapore' to remind you to quickly get rid of your solo state. 'I love children' campaigns to remind you to procreate and have children. Favourable housing schemes for couples and tax incentives are just some of the policies that glare at you. Been solo indeed seems to be a 'marginalised' existence in Singapore though things have improved over the years. (Now singles over 35 can buy any kind of flat on the resale market)
I am not saying I choose to be solo. I didnt choose it. Its just that I didnt meet anyone with whom I can connect with. There are times when I thought I met someone I could connect with, but circumstances often turn out to be otherwise, or things just didnt work out. Of course I'd like to be married, to find my 'soulmate' some day, but only if he is someone I can connect with, respect, have the same values with me. I wont choose someone who isnt it, just so that I can be part of a couplehood.
I sometimes will wonder why am I still solo? But these days, I am learning to smell the roses, enjoy and appreciate my blessings. For you never know what life brings you.I am learning to see life in a different light.
So, Dont be so smug, happy couples. I am happy you found your partners, but dont be so smug. Been solo isnt that bad. I am loving my freedom, my time , my blessings and taking it a day at a time. And for those who are solo, enjoy and dont just blindly settle !
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
When do you call it Quits?
Dont worry, I am fine. Just a sudden whiff of inspiration and caught the word bug.. so since inspiration strikes, why not keep the words coming? (Though this is quite a long post.. sorry ah!)
Are there times when you just want to quit a situation? when you want to quit on a person? when you want to quit from 'life' ? (opps, this is too morbid.. just wild imaginings..) ** Its not easy to want to call it quits. At the risk of been labelled a failure, 'flighty', 'unreliable', not steady, it takes long consideration and trepidation before one can safely say 'i quit'. (Nope, not thinking of quitting my job, just thinking about things in general)
Since calling it quits can be applied to so many situations and would probably be too complicating to talk about it in one broad stroke.. I like to just explore it from the relationship stance point (aka marriage in this case).
Case 1 : You are in a relationship with the girl you love. She told you she had a short term affair which ended just a couple months before your coming marriage. Her colleague subsequently got married too, and even after marriage, he still pester your girl. Your girl having a soft spot for him still, though wanting to end the relationship, ignored him to her best abilities. But they still meet sometimes for lunch.. and he would harrass her into quitting the marriage to you. She did not , deciding you are the one for her. You think all is well and you get married. Just a couple of months after your marriage, your girl tell you she is still in love with the colleague , who has now quit her workplace , no longer harrassing her.. but wait, your girl is in love with him still?! You had all this while pandered to your girls' wishes. Changing your job for a better paying one, to suit her wishes for a better life.. but now wait.. she is still in love with her ex colleague.. What should you do? A) continue B) Quit
Case 2: You know your sweetheart of 7 years and you got married. Upon marriage, you discover his penchant for anger and he gets really aggressive on himself when he is upset things dont go his way. You never see this side of him before. You cant handle.. and his character flaws stick out like a sore thumb.. You love him, but you dont like this aspect of him.. What should you do then? Stay , helping him to change? or Quit?
Case 3 : You discover your husband's secret and its tearing the family apart.. Though your heart is broken, you still love him and you are really not getting young anymore. Staying together will remind you constantly of the pain , staying apart, will mean a life of loneliness since it would be foolhardy to expect to find another partner to continue on. You cant bear the thought of staying alone even if you have children. What do you do ? Stay or go?
When do you call it quits? Its not an easy decision to make.. its a case of Damn if you do, Damn if you dont..
Take Case 1 for example. These two people really shouldnt get married in the first place. I'd think that as a rational observer.. But if you are in the guy's position, how would you react? Is love in such a case so selfish that it hurts ? Or its an addictive game that wont end?
How about Case 2 ? When you are in love and you marry your partner, and only discover the flaw much later on, a flaw you cannot stand.. do you stay together because of your vow? or do you quit, because you dont wish to be miserable?
Case 3? If you stay, can you face the betrayer? Can you still sleep on the same bed together? Can Time heal? If you quit, where can you go ? Can you really live a life of solitude now that you have become so accustomed to living as part of a couple ?
These cases occur every day to the point of appearing cliche. Different people of course make decisions in different ways. I hope I never have to face such situation, though i am probably dreaming. Life isnt a bed of roses indeed! With each decision we make, we gotta bite the bullet and pay the price.
So.. when do you call it quits? I say 'love yourself first' .. dont sacrifice your soul for the relationship because at the end of it all, you'd hate yourself for it.. Once resentment eats the relationship, its a goner anyway... Dont you know, love can turn to hate in a jiffy? so if the relationship takes too much of you, then consider 'calling it quits' .. too flighty? too impatient? I dont know.. everyone's baseline is different.. so check your baseline and tolerance.. But whatever it is.. dont be a sucker.
Sure, love is irrational and everyone is a fool for a time. Just hope the effects will wear off and you can wake up with clear thinking. Solitude is not that scary. Hanging on for dear life despite the pain is.. so remember to ask yourself.. what is my baseline and when do I call it quits / If I should call it quits ..**
(By the way, at times I think love is overrated.. at the end of the day, though there is love and chemistry.... marriage really is more than love)
**disclaimer: such discussion is entirely of the intellectual kind and not to be taken as any 'advice' or 'encouragement' that its ok to quit'... (must protect my 'arse' mah...)
Are there times when you just want to quit a situation? when you want to quit on a person? when you want to quit from 'life' ? (opps, this is too morbid.. just wild imaginings..) ** Its not easy to want to call it quits. At the risk of been labelled a failure, 'flighty', 'unreliable', not steady, it takes long consideration and trepidation before one can safely say 'i quit'. (Nope, not thinking of quitting my job, just thinking about things in general)
Since calling it quits can be applied to so many situations and would probably be too complicating to talk about it in one broad stroke.. I like to just explore it from the relationship stance point (aka marriage in this case).
Case 1 : You are in a relationship with the girl you love. She told you she had a short term affair which ended just a couple months before your coming marriage. Her colleague subsequently got married too, and even after marriage, he still pester your girl. Your girl having a soft spot for him still, though wanting to end the relationship, ignored him to her best abilities. But they still meet sometimes for lunch.. and he would harrass her into quitting the marriage to you. She did not , deciding you are the one for her. You think all is well and you get married. Just a couple of months after your marriage, your girl tell you she is still in love with the colleague , who has now quit her workplace , no longer harrassing her.. but wait, your girl is in love with him still?! You had all this while pandered to your girls' wishes. Changing your job for a better paying one, to suit her wishes for a better life.. but now wait.. she is still in love with her ex colleague.. What should you do? A) continue B) Quit
Case 2: You know your sweetheart of 7 years and you got married. Upon marriage, you discover his penchant for anger and he gets really aggressive on himself when he is upset things dont go his way. You never see this side of him before. You cant handle.. and his character flaws stick out like a sore thumb.. You love him, but you dont like this aspect of him.. What should you do then? Stay , helping him to change? or Quit?
Case 3 : You discover your husband's secret and its tearing the family apart.. Though your heart is broken, you still love him and you are really not getting young anymore. Staying together will remind you constantly of the pain , staying apart, will mean a life of loneliness since it would be foolhardy to expect to find another partner to continue on. You cant bear the thought of staying alone even if you have children. What do you do ? Stay or go?
When do you call it quits? Its not an easy decision to make.. its a case of Damn if you do, Damn if you dont..
Take Case 1 for example. These two people really shouldnt get married in the first place. I'd think that as a rational observer.. But if you are in the guy's position, how would you react? Is love in such a case so selfish that it hurts ? Or its an addictive game that wont end?
How about Case 2 ? When you are in love and you marry your partner, and only discover the flaw much later on, a flaw you cannot stand.. do you stay together because of your vow? or do you quit, because you dont wish to be miserable?
Case 3? If you stay, can you face the betrayer? Can you still sleep on the same bed together? Can Time heal? If you quit, where can you go ? Can you really live a life of solitude now that you have become so accustomed to living as part of a couple ?
These cases occur every day to the point of appearing cliche. Different people of course make decisions in different ways. I hope I never have to face such situation, though i am probably dreaming. Life isnt a bed of roses indeed! With each decision we make, we gotta bite the bullet and pay the price.
So.. when do you call it quits? I say 'love yourself first' .. dont sacrifice your soul for the relationship because at the end of it all, you'd hate yourself for it.. Once resentment eats the relationship, its a goner anyway... Dont you know, love can turn to hate in a jiffy? so if the relationship takes too much of you, then consider 'calling it quits' .. too flighty? too impatient? I dont know.. everyone's baseline is different.. so check your baseline and tolerance.. But whatever it is.. dont be a sucker.
Sure, love is irrational and everyone is a fool for a time. Just hope the effects will wear off and you can wake up with clear thinking. Solitude is not that scary. Hanging on for dear life despite the pain is.. so remember to ask yourself.. what is my baseline and when do I call it quits / If I should call it quits ..**
(By the way, at times I think love is overrated.. at the end of the day, though there is love and chemistry.... marriage really is more than love)
**disclaimer: such discussion is entirely of the intellectual kind and not to be taken as any 'advice' or 'encouragement' that its ok to quit'... (must protect my 'arse' mah...)
Rainy Night
I love rainy nights like this.. when all I hear is the slight pitter patter of raindrops .
I love the smell of rain and the comfort it brings for I know I could snuggle in my warm covers later.
I love the lightning skirting across the sky brightening the landscape with its flirty flashes
I love the slight rumble of thunder, lulling me to sleep with its foregone melody
Oh, how I love soft rainy nights like this..
I love the smell of rain and the comfort it brings for I know I could snuggle in my warm covers later.
I love the lightning skirting across the sky brightening the landscape with its flirty flashes
I love the slight rumble of thunder, lulling me to sleep with its foregone melody
Oh, how I love soft rainy nights like this..
Monday, June 25, 2007
Relationships and Expectations
A friend of mine wrote about conditional love in his friendster blog, and about different people having different expectations and character, and how sometimes these people may never match despite efforts by each other.. He thinks It all boils down to compatibility and expectations. His writing strike a chord with me.. though I think good compatibility doesnt mean a totally blissful relationship as well..
I suppose in the heat of the moment, or when cupid's wings strike in our fast paced society, we often overlook nagging characteristic flaws, especially when we are feeling the rush of love, thinking love conquers all. When the dust settles some months or years down the road, we may just wake up and no longer see the relationship through rose tinted eyes. What we see may then shock us as we find ourselves wondering why we even fall in love in the first place? Very often, the strengths we see in our partner become faults we'd scream at as time goes by. (Yet one must never forget, there are always 2 sides to a coin, hence,its all a matter of perspective).
If one isnt married, its pretty 'easy'. Some will just break up, citing reasons of incompatibility, no more chemistry, goals are different and move on. Or in some cases, some people take a bigger commitment by getting married, thinking moving onto the next phase will rejuvenate the relationship without really taking stock of the situation, ignoring the problems, and accepting it all in, without any improvement to the situation, till when their unhappiness erupt and tolerance run out .
More complication sets in if one is married.. Imagine a situation when there is no more intoxication by love,coupled with the stress of modern living aka meeting deadlines, managing demanding inlaws, balancing finances, feeding babies for some, keeping family, having sex (yes, having sex actually becomes a checklist after marriage for some couples!) , its indeed a rough ride for many. Even the most 'blessed' union also suffers its downs as my friends can attest, when some complain about partners' inadequacies. (eg. not doing household chores, taking care of baby, been too busy at work, etc to name a few)
What can one say about this? The world isnt perfect, no one is perfect, so why do we hanker after 'perfect' relationships?
Are we expecting too much from our relationships, wanting our partner to fulfill our every need? Are we treating ourselves less kind if we expect lesser from our partners? What can we do about these relationships that are irksome at times?
I like to compare managing a relationship to taking care of a plant. We need to tend it with lots of tender loving care. Water it with attention and communication, sun it with love and consideration, fertilise it with fun and laughter and when necessary, remove the pests /bugs attacking it... Through this all, tis important to remember what plant u have.. dont keep hoping for lavender when you planted sunflowers. Last but not least, appreciate the beauty of the 'plant' for it has its seasons.. be it withering or blooming, learn to see the beauty in its own form..
I suppose in the heat of the moment, or when cupid's wings strike in our fast paced society, we often overlook nagging characteristic flaws, especially when we are feeling the rush of love, thinking love conquers all. When the dust settles some months or years down the road, we may just wake up and no longer see the relationship through rose tinted eyes. What we see may then shock us as we find ourselves wondering why we even fall in love in the first place? Very often, the strengths we see in our partner become faults we'd scream at as time goes by. (Yet one must never forget, there are always 2 sides to a coin, hence,its all a matter of perspective).
If one isnt married, its pretty 'easy'. Some will just break up, citing reasons of incompatibility, no more chemistry, goals are different and move on. Or in some cases, some people take a bigger commitment by getting married, thinking moving onto the next phase will rejuvenate the relationship without really taking stock of the situation, ignoring the problems, and accepting it all in, without any improvement to the situation, till when their unhappiness erupt and tolerance run out .
More complication sets in if one is married.. Imagine a situation when there is no more intoxication by love,coupled with the stress of modern living aka meeting deadlines, managing demanding inlaws, balancing finances, feeding babies for some, keeping family, having sex (yes, having sex actually becomes a checklist after marriage for some couples!) , its indeed a rough ride for many. Even the most 'blessed' union also suffers its downs as my friends can attest, when some complain about partners' inadequacies. (eg. not doing household chores, taking care of baby, been too busy at work, etc to name a few)
What can one say about this? The world isnt perfect, no one is perfect, so why do we hanker after 'perfect' relationships?
Are we expecting too much from our relationships, wanting our partner to fulfill our every need? Are we treating ourselves less kind if we expect lesser from our partners? What can we do about these relationships that are irksome at times?
I like to compare managing a relationship to taking care of a plant. We need to tend it with lots of tender loving care. Water it with attention and communication, sun it with love and consideration, fertilise it with fun and laughter and when necessary, remove the pests /bugs attacking it... Through this all, tis important to remember what plant u have.. dont keep hoping for lavender when you planted sunflowers. Last but not least, appreciate the beauty of the 'plant' for it has its seasons.. be it withering or blooming, learn to see the beauty in its own form..
Wedding Dinners
Attended colleague's wedding dinner on saturday. She was v happy, we could see she was tired though.. She had a really stressful time preparing for the wedding, think she is glad the ceremony is all over. Wedding Dinners are usually very boring and we just spend the night chatting with ex colleagues, commenting on the set up, food, etc.
If I do get married next time, hopefully I wont have to go through the wedding dinner procedure. Its too much of a hassle. Will just have a simple ceremony. I hate hassles...
If I do get married next time, hopefully I wont have to go through the wedding dinner procedure. Its too much of a hassle. Will just have a simple ceremony. I hate hassles...
Friday, June 22, 2007
Suriname and Liechtenstein
Have you ever heard of these countries? I never, and yesterday my colleague showed me. You can find out more at these links.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suriname
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liechtenstein
One is like a 'money laundering' nation (sounds like 'lick - a - stain')and the other, suriname is a small country in south america.
The world is so BIG. We shouldnt just set our sights in Singapore indeed...
I always have this wish to live abroad for a few years and coming back to Singapore. Singapore is still my home, despite the shortcomings.But I'd like to have the experience of living on my own, abroad.
But alas, I never find that opportunity to stay abroad. (I did look, but nothing like that come up. Now, just make do with my job which involves a certain amount of travelling).
As my parents age and as I age (I am only a few years before becoming an ELDER in singapore context, HAHA), I find that the wish to stay by their side is more and more. Afterall, their time is limited, whether I like it or not, we all go someday.
I am not a fantastic daughter.. but I will try my best..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suriname
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liechtenstein
One is like a 'money laundering' nation (sounds like 'lick - a - stain')and the other, suriname is a small country in south america.
The world is so BIG. We shouldnt just set our sights in Singapore indeed...
I always have this wish to live abroad for a few years and coming back to Singapore. Singapore is still my home, despite the shortcomings.But I'd like to have the experience of living on my own, abroad.
But alas, I never find that opportunity to stay abroad. (I did look, but nothing like that come up. Now, just make do with my job which involves a certain amount of travelling).
As my parents age and as I age (I am only a few years before becoming an ELDER in singapore context, HAHA), I find that the wish to stay by their side is more and more. Afterall, their time is limited, whether I like it or not, we all go someday.
I am not a fantastic daughter.. but I will try my best..
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Poppy
I have a naughty jack russell which some may find obnoxious, and perhaps stinky little dog. But he sure brings smiles to me.. I admit I am not very maternal, and thank god for my parents. If not for them, I wont have the ability to take care of poppy. Called home on tuesday, and my mum told me to talk to poppy.. huh? talk? I did, said' poppy poppy' over the phone, to please my mum.. and she told me he ran away.
My folks concluded that poppy find it strange that his owner is talking to him when he cant find her anywhere at home and ran away.. Funny huh? But I think its quite normal.. My friends who have dogs, talk to them, like they are their kids.. So I think my folks are not the only ones!
My folks concluded that poppy find it strange that his owner is talking to him when he cant find her anywhere at home and ran away.. Funny huh? But I think its quite normal.. My friends who have dogs, talk to them, like they are their kids.. So I think my folks are not the only ones!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The GAME
A friend of mine commented that 'bad guys get the pretty girls'. (He is a goodie chap). I think he said in a way that makes me think, if he has the means, he'd definitely like to date pretty girls. (who doesnt, if I am a guy, I would too :P) That just reminds me of a book I read some months back.
The book is called 'The Game'? Heard of it? Its a book by Neil Strauss. He was a geek who turned charmer. A few years ago, he learnt the art of flirting with the world's 'best known' flirts, attended many such seminars, etc. Subsequently, he wrote a 'tell-all' book about the gimmicks he learnt, tactics men employ to get 'chicks' , get laid (to put it crudely).
When I first saw the book, I thought 'big deal'.. boring, just a list of names these men picked up and laid. But when I read the details, i saw the manipulative stance, the emptiness of it all at the end, and the endless games that are been played out. The amazing thing is no matter where the games or tactics were used be it in Eastern Europe or America, the girls ALWAYS fall for the tactics.. (different girls of course, but tactics are the same). Even Paris Hilton got a mention in this book!
Though one may comment its highly deceptive and not sincere, who is to say in the game of dating the sexes, how real is real in the beginning? Arent many playing games when they first dated? Arent many still playing games, albeit unconsciously in their daily lives? Though thats would be another 'story' altogether.
Whats my point? I think given a chance, most men will love to have the chance or opportunity (women alike, would love to date rich prince charmings..:D) to date pretty gals, be Mr popular, if they know how. (judging from the ploys and strategies in the book, I should think so).
Though that's so, in the book's conclusion, games can get tiring, and ultimately the mask get torn away.. as neil himself much discover at the end of the book. After myraid of games, even the games get worn out, emptiness set in, and there seem to be nothing there left. The author ultimately got hooked up with a girl who wont fall for any of his games and was cold to him (Thats another GAME..), and demanding him to be his real self and he was.. nd he was happier for it. (Though it seemed they recently broke up)
Perhaps, we should have another book that uncovers all these 'games' ? haha,
Games are here to stay I think. Just the level of play thats different.. Though Ultimately, sincerity is most important.
The book is called 'The Game'? Heard of it? Its a book by Neil Strauss. He was a geek who turned charmer. A few years ago, he learnt the art of flirting with the world's 'best known' flirts, attended many such seminars, etc. Subsequently, he wrote a 'tell-all' book about the gimmicks he learnt, tactics men employ to get 'chicks' , get laid (to put it crudely).
When I first saw the book, I thought 'big deal'.. boring, just a list of names these men picked up and laid. But when I read the details, i saw the manipulative stance, the emptiness of it all at the end, and the endless games that are been played out. The amazing thing is no matter where the games or tactics were used be it in Eastern Europe or America, the girls ALWAYS fall for the tactics.. (different girls of course, but tactics are the same). Even Paris Hilton got a mention in this book!
Though one may comment its highly deceptive and not sincere, who is to say in the game of dating the sexes, how real is real in the beginning? Arent many playing games when they first dated? Arent many still playing games, albeit unconsciously in their daily lives? Though thats would be another 'story' altogether.
Whats my point? I think given a chance, most men will love to have the chance or opportunity (women alike, would love to date rich prince charmings..:D) to date pretty gals, be Mr popular, if they know how. (judging from the ploys and strategies in the book, I should think so).
Though that's so, in the book's conclusion, games can get tiring, and ultimately the mask get torn away.. as neil himself much discover at the end of the book. After myraid of games, even the games get worn out, emptiness set in, and there seem to be nothing there left. The author ultimately got hooked up with a girl who wont fall for any of his games and was cold to him (Thats another GAME..), and demanding him to be his real self and he was.. nd he was happier for it. (Though it seemed they recently broke up)
Perhaps, we should have another book that uncovers all these 'games' ? haha,
Games are here to stay I think. Just the level of play thats different.. Though Ultimately, sincerity is most important.
Tiffany's Graduation Pics
Was wanting to put this up for the past couple of weeks, but there was some error earlier. So here goes. My 18 yr old niece graduating and going to college soon.
She has grown so fast, now looking different career options. Its scary for me, because I still feel I cant provide much guidance for her, can only advise her to my best knowledge.
Monday, June 18, 2007
About Personal Ads
Was on the way home after spending some whopping amount on skincare, when I saw this newspaper headline jumping off at me. 22 yr old NTU 'rich' girl advertises for marriage partner on the net. What?! Am I seeing things right? Asked a couple of my friends what they think. Interestingly, 2 of my male friends just attribute it to publicity stunt, while 2 of my female friends said, if 22 yr olds do this, then what about us ?!
There you go, the difference between men and women. The men very rationally draw up a conclusion that its all for publicity (whether it really is so, thats another issue). Whereas women (including myself) thought emotionally about the age factor.
Skimmed through the lines from another fellow passenger's copy (my bad habit to read off others' papers on the mrt). The report also wrote ' If she is so attractive and young, need she advertise? she should have plenty of suitors, unless there's something wrong with her. '
But thats as good as saying, if one is so attractive, why would one join 'SDU' or dating agency , etc. Does advertising oneself invariably mean there is some lack in the person in the first place, hence the advertisement? And if one is old, then there is a reason why one should advertise.
Why do we think this way then ?
I dont have any answers. Can only point it to an inherent need for humans to procreate and the reality of the biological clock ticking away.
I am just amused at the difference in opinions.
There you go, the difference between men and women. The men very rationally draw up a conclusion that its all for publicity (whether it really is so, thats another issue). Whereas women (including myself) thought emotionally about the age factor.
Skimmed through the lines from another fellow passenger's copy (my bad habit to read off others' papers on the mrt). The report also wrote ' If she is so attractive and young, need she advertise? she should have plenty of suitors, unless there's something wrong with her. '
But thats as good as saying, if one is so attractive, why would one join 'SDU' or dating agency , etc. Does advertising oneself invariably mean there is some lack in the person in the first place, hence the advertisement? And if one is old, then there is a reason why one should advertise.
Why do we think this way then ?
I dont have any answers. Can only point it to an inherent need for humans to procreate and the reality of the biological clock ticking away.
I am just amused at the difference in opinions.
GSS - disappointing
Think GSS is rather disappointing.went to town on sat late noon before my dinner appt. Just see crowds everywhere, and I immediately felt claustrophobic. Cant imagine when the island should hit 6.5 million. Wonder how would I feel then?
Saw some special promotions on tiger air, and itching to plan some holiday trip in december this year. Alas, hard to find kaki. One of the pitfalls of been a single at my age is finding kaki to travel with. Plus its usually not that easy to coordinate leave and the place to travel to. Perhaps I gotta ask my mum to travel with me! Though she has mentioned that she would want to save the money for next year, for a trip to Brazil instead.
Caught the travel bug, keep feeling the urge to get away. I am probably making up for lost time as I havent gone anywhere for the past 2 years.
My photos from Manado can only be up in July. My friends can only pass me when we next meet for dinner on July 5th. So will share later.
Meantime, I would have to make do with whiling my time in Singapore.
Saw some special promotions on tiger air, and itching to plan some holiday trip in december this year. Alas, hard to find kaki. One of the pitfalls of been a single at my age is finding kaki to travel with. Plus its usually not that easy to coordinate leave and the place to travel to. Perhaps I gotta ask my mum to travel with me! Though she has mentioned that she would want to save the money for next year, for a trip to Brazil instead.
Caught the travel bug, keep feeling the urge to get away. I am probably making up for lost time as I havent gone anywhere for the past 2 years.
My photos from Manado can only be up in July. My friends can only pass me when we next meet for dinner on July 5th. So will share later.
Meantime, I would have to make do with whiling my time in Singapore.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
HELP! ITS June already!
HELP! Its June already! Cant believe how fast time has flown by.I havent done anything much for the past half year, save for working. I havent even been to the GSS sale. Anyone bought anything?
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