Relationships and Expectations

A friend of mine wrote about conditional love in his friendster blog, and about different people having different expectations and character, and how sometimes these people may never match despite efforts by each other.. He thinks It all boils down to compatibility and expectations. His writing strike a chord with me.. though I think good compatibility doesnt mean a totally blissful relationship as well..

I suppose in the heat of the moment, or when cupid's wings strike in our fast paced society, we often overlook nagging characteristic flaws, especially when we are feeling the rush of love, thinking love conquers all. When the dust settles some months or years down the road, we may just wake up and no longer see the relationship through rose tinted eyes. What we see may then shock us as we find ourselves wondering why we even fall in love in the first place? Very often, the strengths we see in our partner become faults we'd scream at as time goes by. (Yet one must never forget, there are always 2 sides to a coin, hence,its all a matter of perspective).

If one isnt married, its pretty 'easy'. Some will just break up, citing reasons of incompatibility, no more chemistry, goals are different and move on. Or in some cases, some people take a bigger commitment by getting married, thinking moving onto the next phase will rejuvenate the relationship without really taking stock of the situation, ignoring the problems, and accepting it all in, without any improvement to the situation, till when their unhappiness erupt and tolerance run out .

More complication sets in if one is married.. Imagine a situation when there is no more intoxication by love,coupled with the stress of modern living aka meeting deadlines, managing demanding inlaws, balancing finances, feeding babies for some, keeping family, having sex (yes, having sex actually becomes a checklist after marriage for some couples!) , its indeed a rough ride for many. Even the most 'blessed' union also suffers its downs as my friends can attest, when some complain about partners' inadequacies. (eg. not doing household chores, taking care of baby, been too busy at work, etc to name a few)

What can one say about this? The world isnt perfect, no one is perfect, so why do we hanker after 'perfect' relationships?
Are we expecting too much from our relationships, wanting our partner to fulfill our every need? Are we treating ourselves less kind if we expect lesser from our partners? What can we do about these relationships that are irksome at times?

I like to compare managing a relationship to taking care of a plant. We need to tend it with lots of tender loving care. Water it with attention and communication, sun it with love and consideration, fertilise it with fun and laughter and when necessary, remove the pests /bugs attacking it... Through this all, tis important to remember what plant u have.. dont keep hoping for lavender when you planted sunflowers. Last but not least, appreciate the beauty of the 'plant' for it has its seasons.. be it withering or blooming, learn to see the beauty in its own form..

Wedding Dinners

Attended colleague's wedding dinner on saturday. She was v happy, we could see she was tired though.. She had a really stressful time preparing for the wedding, think she is glad the ceremony is all over. Wedding Dinners are usually very boring and we just spend the night chatting with ex colleagues, commenting on the set up, food, etc.


If I do get married next time, hopefully I wont have to go through the wedding dinner procedure. Its too much of a hassle. Will just have a simple ceremony. I hate hassles...