Been Solo

My china colleague was one of the 'jie mei' at our colleague's wedding last saturday.She mentioned about a fellow 'jie mei' who started talking about how nice her husband is the minute she knew my colleague was single. She started showing colleague her husband's sms ,how prompt he was in replying, how my colleague shouldnt be so choosy and quickly find a husband soon, etc and even proceeded to tell the bridegroom's brothers that my colleague is single. (she is one of those 'smug couple' breeds). My colleague just smiled.. and related the incident to us.(My china colleague has often been talking about her lack of partner during lunch and how she isnt young since she is already 27 , etc. She is very direct and her annecdotes were quite entertaining).

We were naturally pretty 'horried' by the 'smugness' of this 'sister' who had saw my colleague for the first time, and proceeded to boast about her marital status. The 'sister' is rather on the plump side and look like Ms Piggy. (I am channelling my mean side this morning). That night at the wedding dinner, we were all rather mean lah, telling our colleague how she should have said she had plenty of choices lah, so dont know how to choose..not like her , have to jump at the first opportunity . etc (We didnt say that to her lah..)

Just makes me wonder , why the smugness? What is the Big Deal about been part of a couple anyway? Does she think that been solo means 'unwanted' , 'undesirable', etc? Does that make her desirable because she is part of an entity called 'couplehood'?

I have been solo for the longest time since my last relationship about 3 years ago. I think my life thereafter improved by leaps and bounds (my relationship wasnt great and I was a fool). True, the nagging inconveniences of been solo is finding company to do the things you enjoy, to travel together, to hang out. More importantly, not having someone who can grow old with you..

While I get plenty of freedom in deciding what I want to do, since I dont have to 'report' to anyone, things can get very lonely as well. Loneliness can hit you anywhere but more so for soloists like me.. Especially in dark quiet nights.

Yet I dont see why been solo is such an issue (even if I am not young anymore). In Singapore, everyday, you are reminded of how you are not helping to procreate, how you need to find someone for sure,etc. There is 'Romancing Singapore' to remind you to quickly get rid of your solo state. 'I love children' campaigns to remind you to procreate and have children. Favourable housing schemes for couples and tax incentives are just some of the policies that glare at you. Been solo indeed seems to be a 'marginalised' existence in Singapore though things have improved over the years. (Now singles over 35 can buy any kind of flat on the resale market)

I am not saying I choose to be solo. I didnt choose it. Its just that I didnt meet anyone with whom I can connect with. There are times when I thought I met someone I could connect with, but circumstances often turn out to be otherwise, or things just didnt work out. Of course I'd like to be married, to find my 'soulmate' some day, but only if he is someone I can connect with, respect, have the same values with me. I wont choose someone who isnt it, just so that I can be part of a couplehood.

I sometimes will wonder why am I still solo? But these days, I am learning to smell the roses, enjoy and appreciate my blessings. For you never know what life brings you.I am learning to see life in a different light.

So, Dont be so smug, happy couples. I am happy you found your partners, but dont be so smug. Been solo isnt that bad. I am loving my freedom, my time , my blessings and taking it a day at a time. And for those who are solo, enjoy and dont just blindly settle !